April 23, 2010

5 Songs That Would Make Better Twins FSN Anthems then GB Leighton's Audio Nightmare

Let it be known, I really can't stand GB Leighton's new song playing on Fox Sports North during every MN Twins game. It's essentially a listing of things you see at a baseball game: bats, baseballs, Joe Mauer, fans, penants, etc. and then some other terms that have a relationship to baseball in general, such as the World Series.

I'll admit that I've never listened to the entire song and so I can't even say for sure if Joe Mauer is mentioned, but I can imagine he is. It's basically a "sing what you see" type of experience. It kind of sounds like he had a rad violin lick sitting around, and upon realizing the completed song was due the next day, decided to intersperse said violin lick with a bunch of words that he found in a baseball dictionary. I will give him though, the violin riff is pretty sweet. So, because I'm not just all about negativity, I've decided to assemble some videos that I think would make better FSN-Twins anthems.

1. Twins Dancing Video

I don't know if this song has an actual name, but it (and the associated visuals) are leagues better than GB's BM. In it you can see members of the Twins 1991 World Series team partaking in the awful 80's and 90's tradition of making sports-team music videos. It's really uncomfortable to watch, but hey, they're athletes! American Heroes! Do you hate America!?

USA USA USA!

2. Lew Ford Song

This song is pretty terrible. But I'd rather listen to it than Leighton's. If we could incorporate that KILLER VIOLIN RIFF it would make this song even better. Also Lew Ford doesn't play for the Twins anymore...and would not make the team if he tried. But I still love him. LEEEEEEEEEEEW!

3. The Gomez Rap

This is another song about a Twins player who no longer plays with the team. Despite that minor problem, this song is catchier than Leighton's, and not only contains the word "baseball" a number of times, but also has sections about "running around the bases", which takes Leighton's strategy of saturating a song with baseball terms, to a new level of actually describing things that happen in a baseball game. There's also a super-precious part at the end where the singers say that Gomez will be back next year. : ( No no Gomez. Also, is "TV-Radio" supposed to be one thing?  A combined TV-Radio? I like it. Get me five, one for each area of my apartment. I know I'm making fun of it, but I seriously like this song way more than what they've got right now.

4. Touch 'em All by Big Jess

This song is actually legit! I really like it! It's dope! So some of the players named in the song don't play for the Twins anymore but who cares. It's sweet! It's gets me wicked pumped up.

5. 1991 Team Song

This song really can only apply to the 1991 Twins team...and even mentions the year 1991 in the song but I don't care, it's better. There were so many awesome videos from '91! Why don't we have a video now of Jason Kubel, Delmon Young, and Kevin Slowey dancing to "Single Ladies"? I mean, look at this awesome crap they had:


We need to dig up awesome 80s pop-song writers like Kenny Loggins and hire them to write a new kickin TV anthem for the Twins, with clips of Orlando Hudson sprinting out his home runs, and Jim Thome...looking gigantic. But until then, I advocate airing these clips instead of GB Leighton's stinker...OR just loop the REALLY FRIGGIN RADICAL VIOLIN LICK!

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